sidney85

Hello, I'm BACK! (: haha. I haven't updated this thing is 34 weeks! That's long enough to get pregnant and have a baby! But no, unfortunatly, I am not pregnant. Well, no let me change that! I meant fortunatly. Anyways, i feel like I am going back to my eating disorder. I am currently 138 pounds. That's fucking heavy! I used to be like 148 though. So, it's progress. I want to be 120. And then I'll stop.

Another failure. My boyfriend of 3 weeks broke up with me today. He wasn't even that attractive and he annoyed me somewhat. And I only kind of liked him. That's part of what makes me angry. If I am not good enough for a guy like that, then who am I good enough for? Like seriously. Whatever. He probably just thought I am a fat mess and that's why he ended it.

And I was fasting today, until lunch time. Then my best friend made me eat. And so there went my fast. I only had a small lunch, then I had a snack after school, and then I just had dinner. I am entertaining the idea of throwing it up. But I am on the fence about it. I don't want my face to look like a blowfish. Eh. I haven't purged in over two months. So, yeah. 2 months sober, down the drain- literally. I feel like I should do it because it will make me thinner and then maybe someone will love me. That sounds so "anorexic" but hey, that's what I'm feeling. I just don't know.

Heyy Everyone. I went to eating disorder treatment for about 4 months early last year. I went through a stage where i was just really happy and i was all about recovery and nothing could bring me down. I just feel like it was the honey moon stage of recovery. You know? i am sinking slowly back into old behaviors and i know i shouldn't but it feels so good. I am losing weight rapidly. I no longer have a scale but i am noticing differences in the way my clothes fit. THEY ARE LOOSE! and i notice parts of my body just getting smaller. it is great. i would really like to get back in contact with everyone and know how everyone is doing! (: so comment this post and we can chat!

I am new to the Pro- Ana Website.
But my picture is like two years old.